you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
