Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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