Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
