We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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