new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
