I like to think it a success when the cops are called
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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