Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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