remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
