Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
