this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
