Will you blow on my dice?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
