sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
