My hair reeks of homosexuality.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize