Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
