Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize