Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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