If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
