arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
