yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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