JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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