you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize