i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
