can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
