You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
