But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
