I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
