I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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