you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
