what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
A bitchslap is in order.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
