you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
