kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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