chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
