I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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