You don't have asthma, your pregnant
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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