try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
