You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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