I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
