remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
