Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
