I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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