you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
