A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
