i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
