she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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