i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
