I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If that was your dad, he is hot
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
