I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize