do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
