I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
