just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
