i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize