too bad you live with your parents still
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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