I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
