a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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