I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
