When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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