i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
