I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
