I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize