Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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