see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize