New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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