Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
