ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
