Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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