just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just gargled with NyQuil
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
