Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
