sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
