New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
