Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
