My liver just broke up with me...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sorry about my life...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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