smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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