dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
