alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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