dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
